One of the most challenging things for those who are divorced and want to become Catholic is whether they need what is known as a Decree of Nullity or Annulment related to their previous marriage. This can be a complex issue but is based upon Matrimony being one of the seven Sacraments of the Church and the importance that Christ, himself, places on the indissolubility of the bond of marriage between baptized Christians.
The focus here will be on the sacramental aspect in terms of the teaching of the Church. The Decree of Nullity has absolutely nothing to do with the civil legality of the marriage or the legal status of the children from the marriage. Divorced individuals who have not remarried or have no intentions of remarrying do not need an Annulment. Divorce, in and of itself, does not impede entering the Church. If an individual wants to remarry or has already remarried, an Annulment is necessary. Admittedly, this can be difficult to understand and can even cause issues for some who want to become Catholic. It can be a source of resistance. The best way to get beyond the issue is to try and understand the reasons behind the teaching.
We must acknowledge that societal and cultural views regarding marriage and divorce over the past decades have changed. Divorce is much easier and acceptable in today’s world. However, we must also acknowledge that while the world has changed its view on marriage and divorce, Jesus has not. As a result, as the protector of God’s revealed truth, the Catholic Church remains steadfast in protecting the teaching of Christ. The Church follows the very words of Jesus regarding marriage and divorce.
Another thing that is important to acknowledge is that the words Jesus speaks on the matter may be difficult to hear. They are certainly contrary to societal norms. As mature Christians, we must separate our attachments and feelings about those norms and focus on what Jesus teaches, no matter how confusing or upsetting the teaching may be.
Here is the good news. The Church is dedicated to doing all it can for a divorced person to be free to remarry into a valid Christian marriage. Most importantly, and this cannot be overstated, once we understand the reasons for why the Church requires an Annulment, then we can get out of our own way, and view this process as precisely what it is: a beautiful gift from God, a second chance given through the Church, so that those wishing to remarry can have a valid Christian marriage and experience all of the Sacramental graces that God offers a husband and wife.
Scripturally, Jesus is clear about divorce. These words are challenging and can create significant discomfort. They can go so far as to iAnvoke the urge to resist, refuse, or otherwise turn away from this important truth. For our purposes, we can think about all the collective components of resistance as “drawing a line.” Again, this is entirely understandable. However, to get out of our own way and realize that this is an opportunity to receive a gift from God, we must understand that this “line of resistence” is not one that Jesus has asked us to draw. This “line” is of our own doing. We should ask ourselves: is the “line” what Jesus wants, or is it what we think we need, what’s best for us? When we orient ourselves to God, we realize that Jesus is asking us to remove the “line” so that he can provide, through the Church, a way back to full communion with him. As uncomfortable as it may be, we cannot change scripture or alter the words of Jesus simply because they may be difficult to hear or contrary to what we want or the way we think things should be.
God, as Creator, has the Divine prerogative to establish the rules of relationship. It is not the prerogative of society to define marriage. As early as Genesis 2:24, we see a reference defining marriage and God's requirement for it. Marriage is the perfect reflection of the love that Christ has for his Church. Jesus refers to himself as the bridegroom and the Church as his bride. In Matthew 9:14-15, Jesus was asked by a group why they were fasting, but his disciples were not. Jesus replies: “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The day will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.” In Ephesians 5:25, Paul says: “husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loves the Church…”. If the bond between Christ and his Church is permanent and indissoluble, so too is the bond between a husband and a wife.
To be in full communion with Christ’s Church and receive the Eucharist, a person must be in a state of grace and free from mortal sin. This is where the teaching of Christ can become difficult, but the difficulty lies in the clarity of his words. However, that same clarity provides the exact instructions that allow us to receive the gift that God is offering through his Church.
Throughout history, God creates, humans destroy, and Jesus restores. God created marriage and its permanence. Humans, through sin and divorce, destroy those bonds. Jesus, acting through his Church, provides a path to restoration. That is Annulment. That is the gift.
In teaching about this restoration, Jesus uses uncomfortable words. In Mark 10:4-12, He says, with clarity, “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female
For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife]
and the two shall become one flesh.’ So, they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”
In the house the disciples again questioned him about this. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” In Matthew 19:9, we see the foundation for the possibility of what today is the Annulment: He said to them, “I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery.” Pay particular attention to the words in parenthesis: (unless the marriage is unlawful). By unlawful Jesus means not valid. Determining the validity (lawfulness) of a previous marriage is precisely what Jesus is doing acting through the Church so that a person may be free to remarry and receive all the Sacramental graces of marriage.
The Church has recently made the Annulment process faster and less burdensome. The change is not to issue more Decrees of Nullity than it might otherwise. It is so the Decrees that would be granted at some point, are granted faster.
As much as we would like to change Jesus’ words, think that maybe they don’t apply to us or look the other way because of the discomfort they cause, we cannot. Or perhaps more appropriately said, we should not.
As we mature in our faith, we learn that sometimes God’s pills are a little hard to swallow. We find ourselves asking if they are necessary or are they more trouble than they are worth. That is where faith comes in. If we make it more about God and less about ourselves, we will find that, just maybe, this is the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. Perhaps he directed us to this spot, to this exact place we need to be to “fix it,” to be restored, to accept this divine gift of a valid Christian marriage.
We are asked to cooperate with God’s grace received in the sacraments. We know that Mary said yes when she really didn’t understand and received the fullness of God’s grace. We know that Joseph said yes when he really didn’t understand and received the fullness of God’s grace. We know that when we go to confession, we say yes to absolution when we really don’t understand and receive the fullness of God’s grace. The same is true for the Annulment process. As we continue to orient ourselves more to God, even though we might not understand, by faith, we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our lives. Our “yes” to this process is a “yes” to receiving this gift from God. It is a “yes” to allowing Jesus to restore our friendship with him so that we can fully participate in the Church and the graces of marriage.